Over the Top: Schnockdurgle is Back!

By Will Combach-Comb

Tears streaming down his creased face, Dr. Sir Rodney Schnockdurgle stepped onto the tarmac at Victoria International Airport and reverently knelt to kiss the ground.  Several reporters, having got wind of his return, surrounded him with their queries.

"Are you visiting, or have you returned to stay?"

"I missed James Bay so terribly that I could endure it no longer.  I could scarcely breathe in the old country.  My dear Waltraud will follow in due course after settling our affairs there."

"What are your plans?  Will you be back in the limelight?"

"I was approached by the two major political parties to explore a possible run for the leadership.  After prolonged and most circuitous musing, I told both that if recruited I would not demure, if nominated I would not pun, and if elected I would not swerve."

"And..."

"To my utter dismay neither party responded positively."

"So you did not return to pursue a political future?"

"That would be an entirely gratuitous conclusion.  There are so many opportunities and, of course, many other considerations to ponder, none of which I am prepared to divulge at the present moment.  I wish first to savour the feeling of being where my heart has led me."

"Have you kept abreast of the news from Victoria during your absence?"

"Only what I could glean from the Beacon."

"What about Schlumpie?  Will he also be back?"

At this point the elderly fellow burst into a torrent of tears.  It took several moments before he could compose himself sufficiently to respond.

"My dear little pet succumbed to the ravages of time and place.  He is buried in the convent grounds where he was born.  In his place my otherwise wise Waltraud has, to my everlasting horror, brought home a cat that must have been spawned in the very depths of hell.  Her name is M..., Me...."

He could not finish.  Dr. Schnockdurgle again broke down in a fit of weeping.  He was unable to reply to any more inquiries, and stumbled toward the baggage area, shoulders slumped, leaving behind him a veritable river of salty tears.