Preparing for Baby

By Sarah Pugh  Sarah Pugh is a post-partum doula, certified breastfeeding educator, writer, and mom.

If you're expecting your first baby, you've probably been focusing on making sure your physical space is prepared.  Crib, change table, clothing, toys... but in a few months, you'll have learned that buying tons of baby stuff was the least important facet of getting prepared.

But how do you prepare for a life-changing event for which "everyone knows you can't possibly really prepare yourself"?  Buying stuff (or gratefully accepting gently used pieces from friends) is at least something you can do, right?

Well... sort of.  In my own experience as a mother, and as a postpartum doula, I've seen many a thrifty purchase or fantastic hand-me-down languish unused in the garage: a swing the baby hated, a carrier that never fit properly, clothing the baby had grown out of by the time he was born, a crib never used except as a laundry receptacle. 

So what do you do for those interminable months as you await the arrival of your baby if you can't surf UsedVictoria constantly or get a part-time job to fund your Toys R Us habit?

Cooking is a good idea.  Cook a lot, cook more than you need, and store whatever you can in single-serving freezer containers.  Try to cook things that can be eaten with only a fork or a spoon, as it's difficult to wrangle with a fork, a knife AND a baby.  It's a good idea to have at least two weeks worth of dinners in the fridge.

Get some exercise.  Both of you!  Time for the gym (or anywhere) will be limited or non-existent once the baby arrives, and being fit and healthy will help both parents cope with the stresses of a baby.  Being able to walk 5 km pregnant bodes well for being able to walk 5 km with a fussy baby who will ONLY go to sleep outside, in a carrier.  (Trust me, this happens.)  And being fit isn't just for mom - there's no reason that the person walking around and around and around with baby can't be dad!  Bicep strength for bouncing and burping is important, too.

Spend as much time around actual babies as you can.  If you know someone with a baby, invite them (with the baby) over for lunch, tea, dinner, drinks - whatever!  And the more different babies you can expose yourself to, the better.  It'll give you some idea of the range of behaviour to expect.  If you don't know anyone, start going to La Leche League meetings while you're still pregnant.  You get to watch breastfeeding, get a feel for how diverse moms handle burping, rocking, carrying, etc., and make some mom friends for "play-dates" later.

And, to further prepare for your post-baby social milieu, sign up NOW for the Baby Group at the James Bay Community Project.  It's a great group, and it helps connect you with resources and other parents in the neighbourhood.

However, the most crucial part of preparing for baby is simply making sure you have basic support for the postpartum period.  A spouse at home is great, and if he or she can take an extended parental leave, that's fantastic - but sadly, this doesn't happen nearly as much as everyone would like.  Despite not really doing much, newborns are exhausting and WILL take up all your time. Typically, just when you and your spouse have things under control and you've got a "system", your spouse will need to go back to work, and you'll be on your own.  This can be a really difficult time.

 If you've engaged the services of a doula for the birth, most include a few postpartum visits as well.  USE THEM NOW.  Your doula wants to help you - don't hesitate to ask her to fix you a sandwich (or three), to make you tea or to crack open a beer for you.  Puzzled by all the straps on your baby carrier? Ask your doula.  Overcome by laundry?  Most doulas are completely willing and able to throw a few loads in (and fold them and put them away for you, too.)

If you are fortunate enough to have parents or in-laws nearby, accept any help they offer - as long as it's not overly stressful to do so.  This is a time in life when you DO need help, so to a certain point it's wise to put on your humble hat and accept a degree of faint nosiness, mild eyebrow-raising or "well we never did THIS when I had you" in exchange for clean laundry, walked pets, a vacuumed house and a toilet that isn't scary. 

But, if parental support comes with too many strings attached - if they don't support your basic parenting choices, like breastfeeding (or not) or cosleeping (or not) and actively try to undermine those choices, then it might be time to call in a professional. 

A postpartum doula (that is, a doula who deals strictly with the postpartum period) can help entertain older children, do light housework, assist with pets, laundry, cooking, errands, grocery shopping, etc.  She can also hold the baby while the parents sleep, and you can trust that she WILL wake mom up when the baby needs feeding.  A good postpartum doula will support you and your parenting choices, provide you with literature, scientific studies and other information if you ask for it, and direct you to the appropriate medical professionals if you need them.

Humans are social creatures, and we all need help getting through the Big Life Events.  Babies rank right up there - nobody should ever have to cope alone with a new baby.  If you don't have family you can rely on, engage the services of a post-partum doula.  Rates typically vary, and if you're really in need but can't afford it, check with Mothering Touch - they usually have a directory of doulas willing to do some pro bono work.