Tortoiseshell or "Tortoise Hell"

         I am a pet shop tortoise

                                    I don't do "fast" or "hurtle"

                        And take each corner nice and slow

                                    That way I don't turn turtle!!

                        Me legs are short and stumpy

                                    They are not built for running

                        I pulls meself inside me shell

                                    If I see something coming

                        I only eat green leafy things

                                    You'll never see me fat

                        Is that a lettuce leaf I see?

                                    I'll 'ave a bit of that

I 'ates this pet shop window

            Where people gawp at me

Sayin' "is it male of female"?

            Well - I've never looked to see!

Don't just gaze into me pet shop

            Askin' if I'm a girl or feller

Buy me for your garden -

            Or I'' give you salmonella!

                                                                                    By she