When will I write my will?

By Baby Boomer Broad

Recently. I've realized death can come at any time. Until now, I thought I'd die in a nursing home. After all, I eat sensibly and exercise - my father was 87 when he died and my mother, 97.

One June morning, outside the University Heights shopping mall, I heard a loud cracking sound. Above me, smoke was belching from a pipe on the roof. Thinking nothing of it, I opened the mall door, and heard a high pitched alarm. Panicking, I fled into the parking lot then on to Cedar Hill Road.

That afternoon, downtown, on Pandora Street, a cyclist, dressed all in black, whizzed by on the sidewalk in front of me. If I'd been there a moment earlier he may have hit me and God knows what the result would have been.

I screamed helplessly. The cyclist had crossed Blanshard and was speeding up Pandora towards Quadra.

A man walking beside me caught my eye. "That's illegal! What an asshole," he spat. He stopped to comfort a shaken woman on a scooter. "Riding on a sidewalk downtown is totally different than riding on one on a quiet street."

That evening, lying in bed, I thought it's time. Two months ago, I bought a book called Write Your Legal Will in Three Easy Steps but I can always think of something else to do. 

Both parents left me money so I do actually have something to leave. When you don't write a will the government will decide who that money goes to.

Some ways I might die:

I could be hit by a crazed cyclist.

A helicopter may fall on me.

I might get swine flu.

I could have a heart attack.

I may get food poisoning.

I could choke on a bone.

Someone may murder me.

I could be stung by a wasp (I'm allergic to them.)

A cougar may attack me.

A doe with fawns may stomp me to death.

Last month, the Elliot Lake Shopping Mall collapsed, killing four people. This month, it could be the University Heights Mall. There may be a fire in my apartment building. There may be an earthquake...

Life is short. Sally Ride, the first American woman in space has died at age 61. My age.

So when will I write my will? I've decided to spend 15 minutes a day working on it. I'd better get started.