Local Streetwalker

The Enemy Within

By S. O’Kealey

Those of you who have an addiction or know someone who has – read on. Shan insisted I do something about my soured cream in the fridge, left from Christmas, I presume. I promised her a specialty: Sour Cream Fudge – an old, little known, farm recipe of two ingredients. I boiled it (unfortunately not long enough); I tested it (soft ball in cold water); I beat it and hung up on friends who phoned, “Shirley, pick up! Pick up please!” vociferously explaining that timing was crucial and not to bother me. Like truly good friends, they gave speedy and understanding goodbyes.

My fudge wouldn’t harden. Oh, it got a wee bit thicker every 10 minutes of heavy hand-beating, so I kept at it for 45 minutes. Really, my addiction is not beating fudge. Then I gave up and poured it, like thickened pudding, onto a plate. It was creamy and white and whipped to perfection. I tried to cut it into squares, but that was not possible. So I found a spoon, put the pot on my lap and scraped it clean. I showed Shan my fudge and invited her to have some. She gingerly tasted it and her face contorted, “Sour cream! Ugh! No way!” Overlooking her rudeness I took my spoon and dipped it onto the plate, near the edge so it wouldn’t matter. I took another. Dear God! It was good! Then I dipped again to balance the opposite side of the platter. Boldly, rashly I filled my spoon now from the MIDDLE, folded the near-fluid fudge deliciously over my tongue, hung onto the flavour as long as I could. I could NOT stop. I fed myself a ˝ a teaspoon at a time, like Charlie in that chocolate factory, savouring his one precious bar, ‘til half the fudge was gone. Then I forced myself to stop. It was an enormous struggle. I fought a loooong minute. I thought of my health, my family, how they need me whole and alive, also sane. I carried the temptation that held me in its thrall to the kitchen sink, turned on the hot water and began washing the fudge away. I held on and as it melted and oozed down the pan and into the sink, with my other hand, the one with the spoon, scooped up what I could and aimed it into my mouth quickly and messily ere it all dissolved and drizzled away.

Now I was disgusted, comparing myself to an old wino who has watched the cop pour his whiskey onto the grass. But I was somewhat proud as I had stopped myself midway. One and a half cups of sugar I did not want to ingest. (sigh) So I haven’t any advice on curing addictions, well maybe a bit. Wow! Are they powerful! I have compassion for those who succumb and tremendous admiration for those who succeed in overcoming them. I have read that our bodies have no automatic turn-off button for sweets. If you have a craving for sugar, eat protein (nuts, cheese, eggs, fish, meat, tofu, beans, peanut-butter, etc.) It will raise that blood sugar level in a good way.

Good Luck to You.