You Know You're Living in James Bay If...

By Quipping Queen

1.  The best wintertime outdoor entertainment is slipping and sliding on Canadian Goose guano, available for free in any park near you.
2. The crows aren’t arrested for disturbing the peace, but you may receive a summons in the mail for violating a noise bylaw prohibiting the operation of a lawnmower at 7:00 am on Sunday.
3. The fetid fragrance of fresh horse patties becomes part of the “quaint” ambiance of the neighborhood.
4. You have to share the sidewalk with feisty four-wheeled folks operating perambulators, electric scooters, or speed-demon skateboards.
5. You are outnumbered 40 to 1 in the summertime by American cruise ship tourists stampeding down Oswego Street looking for the Queen.
6. Pigeon poop and seagull shite are considered by many residents to represent some of the best examples of amateur abstract art to be found in the neighborhood's natural environment.
7. The next world-class visitor attraction features a “hot air” balloon tour of the neighborhood powered by huff-and-puff politicos from the BC legislature.
8.  A trusty leaf-blower is a more popular household necessity than a snow-blower.
9.  The stray blue peacock from Beacon Hill Park Petting Zoo has decided to make your backyard his home together with your cat, canine, and kids.
10. The sacks of smokestack soot collected from your summer sundeck can be converted to lumps of coal to put in the Mayor’s Christmas stocking.